Hello everyone,
I really think i have been MIA! But, i didnt feel like writing for some reason and now today i want to! Here i am, this is my little secret which i am proud of keeping! My one little, happy secret!
So much has occurred since i last wrote here! God! I lost one of my best friend bcoz of my stupidity! He is hurt now and i guess that is all on me! Will have to take to grave too! He wont ever trust again anyone and that is on me! But, i chose my relationship with harsh! Yes that is my boyfriend’s name! You are gonna hear his name often!
The thing is i believed i had thoughts abt my friend not in a sexual way or anything! I dont even know what it is but i feel that i loved his company and the way i felt confident and could share things with him! All the masti basically and now ik what i am missing! But the thing is i made some mistakes which my best friends dont think were mistakes! It is normal for layman and i have not done anything wrong from their perspective but harsh thinks i lied to him and i had feelings for my best friend but that is wrong too! I never have loved anyone else than harsh! So idk what to explain to anyone as i am confused but for me i thought if i will stop talking to my best friend it will help! Yes, i miss our long video calls and faltu ni chats but that is the thing that i am doing this so that harsh thinks i am faithful! Or i dont have more wrongful thoughts! And ofcourse there were some ideology conflicts between me and my friend and he also invaded my privacy too! That is not acceptable! But everything aside, what is happening is wrong too! But, sometimes you gotta do wrong things so that noone it is better for everyone in the long run!
Now about harsh, he does not give me what i want! I hate his specs frame but he likes it, i have a problem with his weight too! Photos would be bad is what i think but i have become materialistic a lot nowadays! Ik that! He thinks i complain a lot and that is true too! But he does not give me what i want! So what should i do? Eni jode aajthi toh vaat karvanu mann nathi thai rahyu! Gai kale j 3 hrs maathu dukhadyu and ena pramane eno time waste thayo! Mane evu lage che that he does not prioritize me and that is bad! He is all these things which i dont want! But here i can pour my heart out as nobody knows abt this little secret of mine! He is not taking any efforts in becoming atleast somewhat slim! He is almost my daddy’s weight and how is that even okay at such a young age? Mane pehla bau matter natu kartu and have karva maandyu che maybe bcoz gharma kaku bolshe and kii bolshe and all! Photos ma ppl will judge and that is why! But i think that is too selfish so bolti nathi ene hu kai! But back of the mind chalya j kare che!
Now i was looking for canada yesterday, i dont wanna do dental hygienist, it is not good for ego but money is too much but it feels like degrading myself and doing something which i feel like will bring money and nothing more! Even part-time i dont wanna do just for money! Dentistry i dont think i am gonna do elsewhere than in India! So i have that option to do anything related to mba! Gain experience here for as many years as I can and when we settle together i can do something over there! I dont wanna marry rite now! I dont wanna leave India soon too! December sudhi idea avshe so lets see! Shu thai che? I am sleepy now! Gonna take a nap and uthine sip nu kaam karvanu che so yeah!
I feel good after writing things which i cant say to anybody!
opacarophile 